I will update this document until I have completely updated my situation.


Health:

First, I am suffering from the effects of exposure to black mold and am having difficulty treating it. I do not have homemade citrus pectin and do not feel I can make it either due to anxiety or actual limitation. I require assistance in doing things like this and instead of assistance I have a burden.

I am uncertain of my mineral balance or my requirements anymore. My metabolism has clearly changed, given my body temperature used to be precisely 98.6 and became 97.4. Not knowing what is in my own blood at this time does not help, and anxiety at getting a blood draw and inability to follow through ordering the equipment to do it myself are hindering what is necessary for my daily health.

My health situation is dominated by blockages in my intestines which are creating bubbles which accumulate toxins through fermentation or other processes. These seem to be related to anxiety and stress, specifically due to the person living with me who was supposed to be my caregiver but whom I am taking care of. Certainly not the only source of stress, but a source of stress I can never escape and thus a problem which will persist as long as I maintain perception of anxiety or the sources of anxiety persist.

I cannot completely describe my mental state. I am presently quite exhausted despite 4 good hours of sleep (normal for me is four hours). I did just smoke but feel exhaustion to be the primary factor affecting my ability to continue this post. I am anxious. I have flashes of memories coming back which create a variety of effects but mostly overwhelm and exhaust me mentally. I also have flashes of intense anxiety when my mind is idle and thinking about what has happened to me, especially with regards to the resort in Pichilingue. I have frequent low level seizures, especially absence seizures, and do feel I am in a lesser state of awakeness/consciousness/awareness/presence of mind or whatever term there is to describe the range of consciousness. This translates per my understanding to diminished capacity to dedicate to awareness which I believe most likely attributable to the presence of aflatoxin in my system which the purchased citrus pectin we tried may not only have not removed from my system as it should, but actually created the intestinal blockages because it is processed, which means broken down from its chelating form to a form with the potential to create blockages in my intestines.

Using the older GAF numbers to describe ability to function on an essentially percentage of human potential scale, a measure which tries to tell us how well someone functions relative to normal in society; my GAF, which is normally for me in the high 90s, is presently around 35. Exceptionally low even for me. My physical state is a large contributor to this as well as the intestinal blockages are related to hernias and exertion exacerbates the condition. I am in constant pain and discomfort which affects my breathing. I am prone to emotional outbursts and try to relieve the worst of my stress through watching movies or shows. I am in a domestic situation which, at times including presently, leaves me in constant anxiety without the possibility of relief. The only good news is that I have been given an opportunity to measure my physical ability in physical confrontation, something I have always and quite successfully avoided and thus had no means to actually confirm any observations on a relative basis. This does provide something of a mental boost, but not much.



Situation:

My present situation is dire. My boat is about as bad as my own health. I have a propulsion engine which functions only on an emergency basis, but which does no good because my propeller is fouled. The hull is in very bad shape with several inches of growth due to inability to clean bottom for several years now. Bottom cannot be cleaned because doing so removes outer layer of hull material, which can easily lead to exposure of armature and potential catastrophic rupture of hull. Boat cannot be moved any distance in the water. Systems are fatiguing and I cannot maintain them.

I am going to set this aside and continue it after I have had some sleep.