I am the captain of The Disperser. I am on The Disperser because injuries I suffered destroyed one of the two sets of survival skills I had adapted over my lifetime. Quite simply, I must live in a world of truth because I no longer have the skills to live in a world of lies, which is what I have realized society is.

I never really got along well in society, even before suffering brain damage which destroyed any social skills I had. I lived in the country rather than in cities after leaving Los Angeles when I was 25 years old. But while I long thought about a life outside of society completely, the choice to live aboard a boat was not one I had the luxury of making, it was a decision forced upon me. And the reason for that decision is one I can only now express this morning, the second day of 2019 and in my 50th year in life.

There are two worlds and two lives we can live. One is a natural world, where understanding as much about the world around you is vital to your survival. The more you understand about the natural world and your surroundings, the better chance you have of surviving. And only if you understand enough to ensure your safety can you let your guard down and even have fun. It is a world in which you are wholly on your own.

The other world is society, where understanding everything about your surroundings is definitely not a good idea. Socially, people have privacy and a reasonable expectation to maintain it, so asking people about certain things isn't acceptable in society and causes problems. Also, governments operate based on secrecy, and anyone who tries to find out exactly what is going on will find themselves holed up in an embassy or living in Russia.

Each of these worlds has a different set of rules and skills to live successfully. Being curious about how everything around you works may cause problems in society, but ignoring your surroundings in nature will get you killed pretty quickly. While most people only concentrate on how to survive in society because they have no reason to learn to survive in nature, for a number of reasons, I was able to develop skills for both ways of living and was able to use each skillset when it was appropriate.

But I suffered injuries 14 years ago which wiped out a great deal of my memory. And what was lost was what was not important to my survival. What was lost were most of the memories which make up the unwritten social rules governing people's interaction within society. But I retained my adaptation to the natural world, where discovering and understanding the truth is vital to my survival.

Now, because my brain is literally hard-wired to seek out the truth, my ability to interact with society is extremely hampered because above all else, I simply make people uncomfortable, and I do so more when things are more stressful or important to me, like my safety and well being. But it also means that I expect others to be as honest as I am, and I simply believe anything I am told. Hence, I am constantly taken advantage of, and have incredible difficulties both socially, and getting my needs met.

Ironically, my skills of survival outside of society cannot be put to use until I am able to successfully interact with society successfully enough to gather together the resources which society has control of and which I need in order to complete my vessel so that I can escape what is to me a world of lies so that I can live in the only world I can, and want, to live: the true world.