I am writing this specifically about one person, but it applies to everyone reading this who does not have such a high degree of empathy as to be compelled to yawn when someone else does.


There is a fundamental and basic assumption that you are making that is wrong and which you base your entire perspective on, and that is the notion that you are human.

This is false.

You are not human. You are domesticated. You were raised in society, by society, and lacking any natural development. Which means that in all likelihood, you never had the chance to learn empathy. But, since society doesn't actually understand empathy, it cannot possibly teach it properly and so anyone who does learn it, learns it on accident instead of by design because society cannot possibly provide for what it does not understand it needs to.

What this means is that you cannot be human in your interactions with other humans. Because you lack empathy, the only way you can communicate is verbally. We human beings learned verbal language after we already could communicate quite well, better than with verbal language. But without empathy, we cannot read body language, and thus we miss the whole picture and have to rely on words which attempt to give meaning to thoughts. Your ability to communicate then is strictly limited to verbal language.

What makes you dangerous to me is the state of mind you exist in versus the one which humans are in by default and which I cannot leave, and that is the state of mind where your ego is in control. It is in fact the state of mind we are in when we interact with any strangers or we are outside of our intimate space. It is interaction strictly through verbal language and without use of empathy.

How this is dangerous to me is that I cannot be in this state, at all. I cannot communicate strictly with verbal language because I lack the ability thanks to brain damage. When I am forced to communicate without empathy, I am forced to put together a temporary ego, and not a very good one. It takes a great degree of energy to maintain this state, something I now realize actors are familiar with because it is essentially playing a character to a live audience.

If I am forced to create a role to play in order to interact with people, I am not myself. This is okay if I leave my boat to go ashore and buy supplies because it is temporary and doesn't require me to extend a great deal of energy for more than few hours. But, if I am forced into this state in my home by someone who lives with me, I cannot come down from a state of mind I must work to be in, and thus I become mentally fatigued, the product of all of the stress of dealing with people through a temporary personality which requires a great deal of work to maintain.

So I am in a rather difficult and ironic situation: I can't live with someone who isn't human. But, I cannot live alone. It is dangerous for me to be alone because I could die because of a simple mistake, as a friend did who also suffered epilepsy. But, if the person living with me isn't human because he (or she) lacks empathy, then the person is dangerous to me, but in a different way. Without the ability to rest my mind, the constant stress of having to play a role with someone in my own home wears me down and prevents me from making any real significant progress on the problems I need to solve, such as maintaining and repairing my vessel, which is my home.

I can only live with a human being. Presently, this is not the case. The person I live with was born into a family and society that deprived him of any means to develop naturally, and in his case, he was so unwanted by his mother as to be born 5 weeks premature. The person who was supposed to be my livein caregiver has become my ward. Ironically, I have to take care of him. He is making my life incredibly difficult, especially given that the situation I am in is a direct result of his actions.

But, I cannot live alone, not without risk of dying for a simple mistake. So, I am forced to live with someone who makes my life a living hell.

Just in case you were wondering why I am so stressed.

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